Open to Change

Transformation requires energy, and when effort is wasted on the negative, there is no reserve for the positive. In the past few months, I have asked myself some questions: What do I want to become? What does that look like? When I can't picture it, I stop to imagine so I can think about how the next phase looks, smells, sounds, feels, and acts.

Writing is a way for me to let go of the past and look forward to making my dreams come true. If you like journaling, writing down your ideal self can be a goal for you to pursue. My ideal self is emotionally ready, cooking for my loved ones, has enough money to travel, fit, strong, and open to anything.

Turning my ideal self into reality

For me, this means I must attempt to release myself from the past, accept my flaws, move on from my failures, welcome mistakes to see them as courage, and let go of judgment.

Much of my judgment stems from being a working mom. It’s difficult to juggle the responsibilities of home and work. In the back of my mind, I hear the constant concern about whether I have done enough for my children to be capable in life.

If I think of myself as a rock and each trial in life as a rough edge, I must acknowledge that it takes time to smooth and polish a rough stone. I must embrace this same attitude towards my children. Part of the journey is polishing their own rough edges to become their ideal self.

Release negative criticism

What do I need to let go of to welcome the new? Saboteurs are the negative influences that dwell on your flaws or in the hidden corners of your mind, criticizing you, magnifying your worst mistakes, and bringing up your worst fears.

Sages are the opposite. These are the voices that support good. They enhance your motivation towards goals and appreciate your courageous efforts. Saboteurs are your negative self, and Sages are your positive self. Both live within you, and both have grown from your life experiences.

My failures have accumulated over the years, and my Saboteurs have more ammunition to attack. I need Sages to fight the negative. Our Saboteurs dominate because we are flooded with negative news, cell phone notifications, technology troubles, family pressures, and health issues. It's clear why we get stressed.

Training our muscle

Our Sage is like a muscle and needs to be trained and flexed regularly. The more we develop our Sage, the more we can welcome joy. Rather than feeling anxious about a sudden difficulty in life, we can find the opportunity the experience will give us.

The idea of Saboteurs and Sages came from a course Ingrid Edstrom taught at Scaling New Heights. She learned about it from the works of Shirzad Chamine. He explores how our Saboteurs evolve and what life factors influence each of the Saboteurs.

Here’s a little introduction to the 10 identified Saboteurs:

• The Judge
• Avoider
• Controller
• Hyper-achiever
• Hyper-rational
• Hyper-vigilant
• Pleaser
• Restless
• Stickler
• Victim

The idea of the Sages is to counteract the Saboteurs by promoting compassion, curiosity, creativity, direction, and action. It’s a fascinating study. I find the concepts easy to embrace and therefore adopt.

Our Sages promote love. When my kids were small and said something unkind about themselves or a sibling, they had to say three good things to counter the bad. The idea of Saboteurs and Sages follows the same principle. If you have a negative thought about yourself or a situation, you must also recognize three positives. This is a simple approach to incorporate.

Open to mistakes

Being open to change means being open to mistakes, too. We are flawed human beings. Embracing what works and what needs to be discarded takes a lifetime of practice.

Rest is also part of transformation. As I prepare for the next healthier version of myself, it is important to make time for reflection. I enjoy drinking coffee in my nail-head teal chair and having my evening hot tea on my back porch as the moon rises. If naps are your thing, don't be hard on yourself. Take the time you need to accept change and imagine who you want to be.

Self-love

I am embracing who I am and the journey that has shaped me. I welcome my Sages in this phase of self-discovery.

If you are struggling and ready for change, I encourage you to take the leap to forgive yourself. We are human and require self-love, appreciation and compassion.